I can't figure out what I want to listen to these days. I'm listening
to everything but not really feeling. The emptiness of my sensibility
is, honestly, confusing. How can you not know what you want to listen
to? Of the seven-plus gigs of music I carry with me, there HAS to be
at least a couple of hundred megs of songs that I will go back to each
day to feel fulfilled.
The cherry on top of the shit-cake that is this situation is that this
same feeling of utter dread has seeped in to everything else. I don't
know what I want with life. Not at a grand scale anyway.

Right now, I know the one thing that can change the way I feel is
music- Playing, creating, arranging. I haven't played anything close
to a live gig in four months. I can barely write. I have written one
complete song ever since this year began. I haven't recorded anything
in a year. One whole craptastic, mind-numbingly mundane, hollow year.
I've had some of the best times this year, 2011.
Ive gone on more vacations this year than any other. I'm not the
pack-my-bags-and-take-off kinda guy. I realized the only reason I've
been doing that is to fight the numbness that my existence in Delhi is
becoming. It sound s all doom-and-gloom I know, and maybe I'm
exaggerating, but the facts still hold

Coming back to the point. I am utterly desperate to get back to
gigging. It's come down to me Considering playing with half-ass
first-timer bands that are willing to hire me as a 'lead guitarist'.
I'm willing to continue recording at home and not play live too. But I
need that kick to get me back into gear, I need that drive, I need for
something to make me feel strong enough about anything to do something