"I'm having trouble seeing
I'm punch drunk and I
Need to find a way back home
It'd be a miracle if you'd oblige..."
It feels funny. Being back. Online.
I never though I'd be able to live without an internet connection. But here I am...mooching off a friend's internet connection. It's surprising how much time I really spent on the internet. You never realise..never.
The good thing is I can blame the lack of posts on the absence of internet thig time. I feel proud. In true Indian fashion, I can legitimately pass the buck...Bring on the Common Wealth Games now. Oh, wait...
So I've been in Chennai for about 5 weeks now. Somehow 5 weeks sounds shorter than "over a month". I love how our brains function. Either way, it still feels like I've been here longer..much longer.
The best way I can describe my existence is by calling it the simple life- basic living, no flash, no bling..none of that hoopla(thank you E, for that word).
I really don't want to bitch about this city..I've done my share and the fact is that it really isn't that bad. I just live on the crappy side of town, far from all the action. That, coupled with the mafia-inspired extortion scam they call the public transport system, restricts me from going out and exploring th city.
Another reason for that is also that I don't have 'my people' here. I do have fun people from work with whom I spend most of my time, but they're not 'my people'. That's why I think I love calling Delhi my hometown (and Bangalore too). I'm invested there in all those I love. I'm scattered across the city in portions that come together to make me whole.
I'd like nothing more than to get lost in Chennai and find my way back somehow..laughing and coming up with the craziest theories and plans. But I know for a fact that only Jayant Sonrexa can bring out that side of me. Hence I continue to live in this makeshift comfort zone in and around my apartment.
I'm just glad Bangalore has some of 'my people'. It's my weekend getaway. No, literally my "get away".
But the simple life has done me some good. I've not had time to sit and reflect almost endlessly for a very long time now. This place has given me that and for that I'll forever be grateful. I ended up writing my best song yet. I don't think I'll ever be able to write lyrics like that again anytime soon. My perspective on a lot of things underwent metamorphosis by me simply being here, and not in Delhi. There are so many things I understand now, so many things that I untangled and uncomplicated for myself. I can say with confidence (and a hint of narcissism) that I have achieved a state of clarity I wouldn't have in Delhi..not without leaving. And with that
I understand now that everything in life is just preparation for something else..something bigger. Not having friends in my neighborhood and/or not having any siblings prepared me for being by myself at home. Sitting at home alone with nothing to do prepared me for life I'm living here. Sitting and reflecting in my small, funny smelling(oh believe me! I've tried getting rid of that damn smell but it clearly knows something I don't) apartment has given me clarity. What for? I have no idea, but I'm quite sure I'll find out soon. 'Til then..
"..Wasting my timeIn the waiting line
Do you believe
In what you see"