Thursday, February 23, 2012

Eyes Open

Not a soul alone
Ever did agree
It all falls into place
What a great day to be free

From heroes of long
To heroes of today
Lessons stay the same
Everything must be repaid

From one charred centre
To endless more
Nothing stays the same
Hands chaffed from the score

Not a soul alone
Ever did agree
It all falls into place
What a great day to be free

From halfway dreams
To unchartered lies
Only melody to the rescue
More reasons to feel alive

From darkened days
To nights darker still
Everything left unsaid
Forging a stronger will

Not a soul alone
Ever did agree
It all falls into place
What a great day to be free

Thursday, February 16, 2012

Just Older?

What happens when all your beliefs are reduced to a set of unanswered questions and leave you with nothing but a feeling of misplaced faith?

I always thought 24 was a stepping stone. An intermediary age. A time to sort all the eggs so that you could eventually put them in the right baskets.I figured in this day and age, 24 is too early for marriage.
Ramanuja got married last week. I ruled it out as nothing but an anomaly to the rule of thumb I had in my head. And it made sense. His wife(it still feels odd to say) and him seem good together. Them getting married didn't 'feel wrong'. I'm really happy for them.
But then day before I got another wedding invitation. Another classmate from school. And then after a few conversations here and there, I realised something's amiss
I almost forgot that my friend Kriti got married a few weeks ago. Another acquaintance from school is getting married in a couple of months. Kayeks' ex is apparently getting married as well.

What in the world is happening? Why is everybody all of a sudden ready to get married? Or is it just me, am I not seeing something correctly?

It's not them getting married that's left me confounded. It's the implications.
The fact that they're ready, in all spheres, to make a commitment like that. that is what bothers me. They might be, but I'm not. I don't know whether that should scare me or not

There are two aspects to my confusion and dread.
Here these people are, making the biggest commitment of their lives and I don't think I've ever even met one of the small commitments I've made. The longest relationship I've ever been in was 4 months. How in the world would that even count when we're talking about marriage? I got nothing to show for it.
These people getting married also implies that they're quite settled career-wise and somewhat economically. THAT is what scares me the most. When it comes to what I want to do in life, I feel like I'm walking around a house of mirrors. I can't tell what's real or not, and I can't figure out which way to go. I only see illusions of where I want to go and what I want to do. I'm too afraid to really take a direction and crash into glass. So I just stay put.

It's not really a question of whether I want to get married or not. How am I supposed to deal with the fact that I don't have the 'credentials' to even consider it? My only solace was that nobody at 24 does. Well, that's one mirror shattered…