Erase/Replace

Hey,
Been a while, yeah? How've you been?
Wow, the formality of this exchange is creeping me out a bit..
I don't get it. How do things fall out so much that you don't even know what's going on in your friend's life. But like I recently heard Dave Ghrol sing, "the deepest blues are black". Makes sense

Before you misunderstand me or this letter, I'll clarify. This is not me reaching out again. This is not an apology, nor a demand for one. This is nothing but a clarification. One long overdue

I think the crux of the matter lies in the fact that I'm a forgiving person. I can't hold grudges. So every time I forgave all those people you asked me not to, you thought I was weak. You still think it, don't you? You think I'm confused
I was confused. Yes. But it was a confusing time for me. You of all people should've understood that.
I spoke to you about everything because that's what friends did. There's a lot of shit from back then that nobody knows about. Just you…
If I'd known that me pouring myself out like that would have you believe I'm weak, I would've told you right then. But then I do tend to go blind towards the people I love.
I'm not weak. I've not had the hardest life out there(if anything i've had it bloody good). But I'm weathered enough to watch my back and not get hurt anymore. I always forgive, but I dont always forget. That's another thing you refused to see in me.

I think the worst part is how easy it was for you to give it all up. Throw the friendship away without even a second thought. The cherry on top of this beautiful sundae is that you used my own admissions and moments of weakness as an excuse. still do
And that is exactly why you won't hear from me. Not from the heart anyway.
The niceties will always be there, and truthfully too. I won't ever fake a smile. But I won't go any further than that

Next time you'll get it, maybe next time you'll make amends

Love,
Laksh