You

Took all you wanted 

Spilled all sorts of ink

Nothing left to bloom 

Nothing left to return 

 

Yell,

Speak your mind 

Scream,

Speak your truth

 

Turned this saccharine sour

You lost all hope

Too quick to judge

Too quick to fathom 

 

Silence,

Your voice is lost

Black,

Your sight is lost

 

Change,

Is mine to last

Strength,

Defines me now

 

Regret,

All that is left of you

Void,

All that is left of you   

_________________

Lakshman Parsuram

Ode to a Sunny Oompa

Poe and I go back six years.

She's seen me grow as a person and I guess I've literally seen her grow. But blossom would be more appropriate. Quirky, funny teen to smart, funny and rather hot young lady.
She's seen me grow from lost, lonely musician to lost lonely, slightly better musical with a goatee.

I remember her vocabulary was (and still is) about twice the size of mine and I would try my best to keep up and not come off daft.
She used to listen to Lacuna Coil and other emo bands and I'd never even heard of them. I'm the one who's the elder one but I've always been in awe of her and I'm not ashamed to admit it

I don't know why I'm writing this really. She's only moving to a new house but it seems bigger. I don't know why. It's probably because of the letter she found and gave to me

The point is, she's one of the few people who've called me on my shit, even when I wasn't aware I was pulling shit.
But the coolest thing she's ever done for me is co-write lyrics with me. She took my hallmark-rejected pseudo-emo writing and made it worthwhile. If I'm proud of whatver I've written over the last few years, it's because of her.

We don't speak all that often anymore but it's not bad. We catch up and it's awesome and I think that's what matters the most. I'd rather have that than have a "hey whatsup with you?" "ah nothing you tell me" "yknow the usual" "hmmm" "hmmm" conversation.
We don't do that. We neve could. I think we understand each other like that. And that's what it's all about.

Love ya, Oompa.
*shwing*

Running For Cover

Bryan Adams said, "If you wanna be bad yeah you gotta be good"
He got it right. To an extent
I truly did start believing in the whole 'women will always fall for the bad guy' myth. Doesn't mean I was able to execute it well but I believed anyway. It is true, but again, only to an extent
What the extent is? Well, I think that depends on the girl and guy in question. But that's not what this is about.

The following views only apply to people who care about an active social life or just liked being 'liked' by people in general.
It also relates to being generally happy in life bay least it does for me

It's pretty simple. So much so that it borders on preachy and retarded. Be who you are, be good and happiness finds you. It's annoying to realize that it's THAT straightforward.

I joined my friend for wall climbing today and it was the most exhilarated I've felt in months. Years maybe. Pushes your body to jelly and still makes you think about what's going to be your next move.
It's the simplest thing. You're just climbing. But it made me feel content. Even though I went up just once I felt like I actually did something worthwhile

I guess the same principle applies to life. Find those simple things in life that get you going and you're sorted. Everything else will fall into place. You don't have to go changing who you are or what you believe to get what you truly desire

For those not 'in the know', Brad is one of the various side-projects that have emerged from Pearl Jam. Very mellow, very melodic *Borat mode* very naaaice! One of their songs goes a little something like, "...now we're feeling a bit fake as we're running for cover"
Makes a lot of sense here. To me, at least

Good Fun Is On The Way

19:55
I feel so pumped. I think 'fat bottomed girls' does that to me. Queen is THE band. They just always did their thing. Right to the end. I challange ANYONE to not get pumped during that middle section of 'bohemian rhapsody'.
The only thing better than listening to 'fat bottomed girls' is playing 'fat bottomed girls' (wow that would sound wrong without the quotes)
I'm going to have my first proper jam in 6 months tomorrow. It's just covers but I don't care. They're awesome covers. I love the list till now. With the exception of 'breathe' it's so rock and roll it makes me giddy. Giddy with what? Who in the world knows. But it's almost…satisfying

It feels good to feel pumped again. My phone knows it. It's playing 'satisfaction' , followed by 'so much to say'. And on top of that I'm having coffee at turtle.
All hail caffeine.
I've re-discovered coffee in the past month or so. I didn't realize how cool caffine highs could be. They literally make you shake. Way more than nicotine. Combine the two and you have one jumpy-shaky Laksh.
It's getting hard to stay put.

It's like John Mayer said. 'Good love is on the way'. I don't know about love. I don't think I ever will but good fun definitely is. I want to look way deep into this and believe things are at the cusp of something. Not something huge, but something nice.

Don't Look Back In…well just don't

Hindsight is a bitch. It makes you wonder too much. Looking back at the past wondering how things could've been if you you knew back then, what you do now.

 

A friend recently told me that she started dating a girl she knew. After the initial shock and awe that every man displays on hearing of such wonderful things (there really wasn't much…I've come to accept these things now. I have cool friends)

When I asked her how her Boyfriend-of-a-trazillion-years felt about it, her reply- in the form of a question- was short and crisp, "how would you feel if your girlfriend had a girlfriend?" 

 

The honest truth is that I have no idea. Whatever answer I might give is speculation and gyan gathered from couples all around me. My relationships have hardly lasted to even reach the stage of asking the 'big relationship questions'

And then I reflect back to the yesteryears. I see myself doing the things I did, make the mistakes I made. Armed with the knowledge of the future, I see situations for what they could've been, how I could've been. Better. Smarter. 

 

But what's the point? You gain nothing from it. You're only reinforcing what you've already learnt. You only end up beating yourself up for not being the person you are now. With a bitter taste in your mouth. One tiny bit more cynical 

 

 

'Back to me, I know it comes back to me.

Your will's not strong as it used to be' 

From Evernote:

Promises, Promises

I can't figure out what I want to listen to these days. I'm listening to everything but not really feeling. The emptiness of my sensibility is, honestly, confusing. How can you not know what you want to listen to? Of the seven-plus gigs of music I carry with me, there HAS to be at least a couple of hundred megs of songs that I will go back to each day to feel fulfilled.

The cherry on top of the shit-cake that is this situation is that this same feeling of utter dread has seeped in to everything else. I don't know what I want with life. Not at a grand scale anyway.

Right now, I know the one thing that can change the way I feel is music-  Playing, creating, arranging. I haven't played anything close to a live gig in four months. I can barely write. I have written one complete song ever since this year began. I haven't recorded anything in a year. One whole craptastic, mind-numbingly mundane, hollow year. I've had some of the best times this year, 2011.

Ive gone on more vacations this year than any other. I'm not the pack-my-bags-and-take-off kinda guy. I realized the only reason I've been doing that is to fight the numbness that my existence in Delhi is becoming. It sound s all doom-and-gloom I know, and maybe I'm exaggerating, but the facts still hold

Coming back to the point. I am utterly desperate to get back to gigging. It's come down to me Considering playing with half-ass first-timer bands that are willing to hire me as a 'lead guitarist'. I'm willing to continue recording at home and not play live too. But I need that kick to get me back into gear, I need that drive, I need for something to make me feel strong enough about anything to do something

Faint Heart Inertia

Bangalore
I've smoked at least 2 packs of milds in the last 5 days. Ive had more
alcohol than I thought humanly capable and I can still go for more.
And im left with the question, why? The answer is simple. Binge and
purge. I'm trying to kill the parts of me that I can't stand by using
the spirit of choice. It's almost like I can start over if I can burn
out and rise up like a Phoenix

I'm dreading going back to work. The same damn conference calls, the
same damn screen, the same damn routine. I've never dreading going
back to Delhi. It's disconcerting
I love Delhi and having this feeling is just not something I want to experience
I have a feeling everything is about to change when I get back.
Nothing is going to be the same. I almost welcome it. Any change at
this point seems like it'll be for the good but what do I know? Murphy
is a mean motherfucker